I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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