is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
