After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
