wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My ATM looks so different sober.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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