I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
