dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
