i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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