Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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