I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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