You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
