I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
