He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
