I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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