Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
