You're so nebulous sometimes
Your dad touched me again.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize