I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
