What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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