I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
