there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
did i walk over a car last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
