I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
