The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
