worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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