dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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