im drinking this country out of the recession.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
