Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
