I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
