I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
