so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
