just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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