people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
