Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
