i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
