There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
