Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
