You can't special order awesome
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
