haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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