What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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