I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
