Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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