forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
