bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
