I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize