I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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