I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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