in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
