just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
