I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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