I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize