i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
