Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
