i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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