Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize