so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My feet surprised me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
