a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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