It's Friday. Sex?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
