Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
