He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
