just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
