Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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