I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
