I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
