The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We got so high we made milksteak
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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