dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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