he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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