My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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