Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
