This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
