you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
